


If you could feel the way I do

by Ladyluckk



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Established Relationship, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, No Smut, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-15 13:27:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19296700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladyluckk/pseuds/Ladyluckk
Summary: Hermione decides she needs some alone time to reflect everything she means to Draco after their feud, but she doesn't realize the dangers of being alone during a war. *Updated 3/30/2020





	If you could feel the way I do

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Harry Potter.  
> WARNINGS:There is ATTEMPTED rape. The attacker is neither Hermione nor Draco, but you have been warned.  
> A/N: Takes place during the war that last longer than the books and Draco is on their side. And the title and story was inspired by the song Revival by Echos.  
> 

Her eyes strain against the unforgiving winds, snowflakes whirling around her as if she is in her own personal blizzard. She has certainly got to be lost by now she thinks to herself as the trees that surround her all look the same covered in heavy layers of snow.

She feels silly for letting herself get too caught up in the moment that she hadn't paid enough attention to where she is heading. Her mind too preoccupied with the thoughts of a silver-haired boy that got her into this mess.

All she wants is a few moments to herself where he can't find her. For once during this war she wants to be truly alone.

Shivers run down Hermione's body causing her to pull her jacket around her harshly as she isn't sure how long she has been out here in the woods; it had to have been at least an hour by now.

Her eyes fight the exhaustion as she tries to find her way back from the white-covered woods. She tries blowing warm air at her frostbitten fingers, but it's too much for her head to handle. She winces as the small headache reminds her of how much crying and yelling she's endured tonight.

The fight had gotten way out of hand, more so than usual, and this time she isn't sure if it's something they are going to come back from. This time she has had enough.

The revelation leaves a deep hole in the pit of her stomach as well as her heart.

Hermione lets out a shaky breath, trying to calm her nerves as she keeps on walking; fighting the icy pain in her legs as they beg her to stop. The only thing she had going for her that kept the cold at bay was her anger and that has long since faded; leaving her to feel the emptiness inside as the cold seeps into her bones.

The walking helps fight against the frosty air, but she misses the anger from earlier for it spread throughout her entire being like a good shot of fire whiskey.

Hermione would give anything for some fire whiskey right now. The perfect thing to warm herself up and drown out the thoughts that want to swallow her whole, but she's not that lucky for soon enough she is too tired to fight the biting winds and decides to sit down if only for a moment.

Hermione finds a larger tree that seems to provide some blockage of the rough winds before slumping down against it; letting her head fall back onto the scratchy bark. She rubs her hands together for warmth; trying to block tonight's events from her head, but it is no use as her mind cruelly reminds her of how she ended up in such unfortunate circumstances.

Tears well up in her eyes again, and instead of fighting them she lets them flow. Wrapping her arms around herself to block the world from around her. She lets herself feel the hurt he has caused her instead of just the anger. Her heart aching as she squeezes her eyes shut.

She knows she shouldn't have asked him, but maybe this is for the best. Maybe this is the world's cruel way of showing her what she really meant to him all along.

\---

At the time Hermione was not entirely sure how their fight had gotten so out of control. Sure her and Draco have had their fair share of arguments, mostly about the war and not being careful enough, but not like this.

Usually the bickering ends with one of them leaving the room until the other one has time to cool off, or with one's lips crashing into the others making them forget what they had even been fighting about in the first place.

However, tonight's quarrel felt different. The air around them was tight and frigid.

Hermione's blood felt like it was boiling despite the frost creeping alongside the window and into the room. Her fingers curled tightly into fists as Draco found the perfect comment to tick her right off.

It's as if he knew all the wrong things to say to set her off; it was almost impressive she had thought. He knew exactly what not to say, but said it anyways.

Hermione ignored him for a moment, trying to regain her composure as she took a deep breath through her teeth. She decided to try another approach by reasoning with him, but he wasn't having any of it.

It was as if nothing she said could make Draco calm down, his explosive behavior making her wonder what was really going on in that thick head of his.

She noticed how he hadn't even looked her in the eye, like he was too busy trying to avoid her gaze; always looking past her or out the window.

She tried to question him as to what was really bothering him. But as always, he had dodged the question, ready with another sharp answer.

That's when it had hit her. She had worried that it would come to this; so she did not want to ask, but she needed answers.

If only she hadn't...

"Are you angry with me because of what I told you?" she finally asked him; referring to a night she wished she could forget.

She wasn't even sure as to what she was asking him, for she herself wasn't sure he had actually heard her that night.

"There are a lot of things you say that piss me off, Granger. You're going to have to be more specific than that!" he had shouted. His hair was pointing out in every direction from him pulling his hands roughly through it throughout the fight.

But he had stopped pacing around the room at her question; his body stiff.

She had tried her best to avoid this uncomfortable situation, and by his actions it led her to believe he was trying to avoid it too.

"Don't be daft, you know exactly what I'm talking about." She goaded, striving to finally face her problems head on.

"I'm not the one being daft here. If I knew what the bloody hell you were going on about I wouldn't be asking."

Her hands were on her hips, while her jaw was clenched. She knew by now that he knew exactly what she was referring too, but seemed just as uncomfortable with it as she was.

She decided that aggravation was a better emotion to feel than the tightness around her heart.

"You're being an unbelievable twat right now!"

"The same could be said about you-"

"I'm not the one dodging the real issues he-"

"Oh sod off, I am not-"

"YES! You are, Malfoy! Just answer the damn question!" she finally exploded, her voice so loud that it had made her take a step back in surprise at her own rage.

However, Draco seemed unfazed, almost too calm at her outburst. It was as though he was trying to fake his nonchalant attitude towards the conversation.

There was silence in the room, for only a few seconds, but it felt like eternity to her before he finally turned to face her. His eyes were dark, his mouth in a grimace that made her feel uneasy.

"Fine," he started off slowly, stalking towards her; his stance almost threatening. "Do you want to know what I really think?" he hissed, his voice dangerously low.

Hermiones heart had quickened as she tried to keep her head held high. While she had felt nervous, she would be damned if she allowed him to see that with the way he was talking to her.

She wasn't sure what to say to him at the time, afraid of what he was going to tell her; so she had waited for him to continue.

"You want to know why I've really been avoiding you?"

He had moved closer to her at this point, so close that she felt his breath on her face; his eyes cutting right through her before he sneered.

"It's because you're getting too damn attached and I will never feel that way about a filthy mudblood like you."

\---

A sob escapes her mouth, feeling harsh against the back of her throat as her eyes fly open at the memory.

It had been years since anyone she knew called her that. Years since he had called her that. After all these years, after everything they've been through in this war, after everything she had given him and he had given her. Is this what he really thought of her?

She had seen him change into a different man over the years. She saw first hand how much this war had affected him as it had affected her. She saw how much blood was on his hands and still decided to hold them. She saw who he could really be after this war.

And all he sees is her blood. Her filthy blood.

She's supposed to feel vile and angry at what he said to her, but the anger has already passed leaving her to feel the loneliness that surrounds her in the middle of the woods.

She lets out a shaky breath and closes her eyes against the tears that keep falling. She hates to admit it to herself, but all she wants is his comforting arms right now to help shut out the world around her.

It just now dawns on her as how much power he had over her; how much power he still has over her.

She hates it. She hates how much he affected her.

She hates how his hands and mouth know exactly what to do to make her cry out in pleasure. She hates how lying in his arms at night is the only way to soothe her after a nightmare. She hates that the only one who knows just how much this war has changed her for the worse is him. She hates that his eyes are the only ones who seem to see right into her mind and through her lies. She hates that he's the only man she's ever bared her heart to and how he hadn't been able to do the same.

What she hates most of all is the fact that she doesn't hate him at all. And that scares her.

Both her head and heart throb. Her mind swirls as she lets her head fill with thoughts of what had led them down this path of destruction.

She thinks back to that night; the moment that brought them here.

\---

"Avada Kedavra!" someone had shouted; a green light had barely caught her eye as it whizzed past just inches from her head.

She hadn't ducked in reflex like she normally did when she heard the spell; her mind didn't even register the cloaked body as it fell near her feet.

It wouldn't be until later that she thanks Ron profusely for saving her life.

But as for that moment her breath had caught in her throat and her heart was pounding hastily inside her chest as her eyes were fixated on the body that she had come to know intimately.

That's too much blood, she remembers thinking.

Hermione's legs moved so fast that they had almost tripped over themselves as she ran her way over to him across the dark dungeons of some nameless death eaters hideout.

She had watched the blood seeping from his head, making his hair turn from silvery white to a dark shade of red as it spilled out around him into a dark puddle.

Everything around her had seemed to be happening in slow motion as she could not make out any of the words that Ron was trying to tell her as they fumbled to unlock the metal bars that blocked them from him.

His blood had felt warm in her hands as she tried to cradle his head in her lap; her eyes wide in shock as it just kept coming out. The knot in her stomach had twisted into something sharp as her mind went blank in panic.

The feeling that struck her, as she watched him bleed helplessly, was more intense than anything she had ever felt before; and that's when she knew he meant more to her than she had told herself at nights when she was wrapped in his arms.

Hermione doesn't remember if it was her or Ron who had pulled out her portkey. All she remembers is the sick feeling in her as it whisked her and Draco away from the ongoing battle.

\---

The images of his almost lifeless body haunt her to this day. She had been certain at the time that he was going to die as no one could survive that much blood loss.

She doesn't realize she is holding her breath until she feels it leave her chest suddenly as the pang in her heart grows. Just thinking back to it now makes Hermione's stomach twist.

While the battle is mainly a blur to her, the night she visited him in the hospital is crystal clear.

\---

Hermione paced back and forth outside the room where they held Draco.

While she worried for Draco's life, she also felt the guilt eat at her as she had left her friends on the battlemats; her mind too preoccupied at the time for her to think clearly. She had no idea who else was hurt or worse. Dead.

She hardly felt her nail bitten fingers pierce her flesh as they dug deep into her crossed arms.

Hermione was not sure how much time had passed as she kept pacing and she wouldn't have stopped if it weren't for the person at the end of the hall that caught her attention as he popped into view.

The dark hair and glasses of her best friend catching her eye; making her bolt into action.

Harry's arms were around her in seconds as they had both rushed to meet each other. She hadn't noticed that she was crying until she saw the damped section of his shirt that she had left in its wake as she pulled back.

He looked worse than he was, or so he had told her, trying to soothe the frightened, worried look she gave him at his state.

She had tried apologizing but he told her she had nothing to apologize for as he said he would have done the same for Ginny.

"I'm fine; really, Hermione, it's okay," he had reassured her when she didn't reply.

It wasn't the dismissal of her concerns that made her go quiet. It was the fact that Harry had just compared her relationship with Draco to his and Ginny's; making her for the second time that night relish in her feelings for Draco.

She didn't have much time to think more of it before the healer who was in Draco's room stepped out into the hall; making Hermione and Harry turn towards the sound of the door closing.

"How is he?" she had rushed the words out.

The healer looked hesitant before she told her the truth, "It's not looking great, but we're hopeful. He took the potions well enough, but he suffered a lot of internal bleeding. We're not sure if he'll recover; but we'll know in due time."

Harry's hand had tightened around hers at her sharp intake of breath.

The healer looked like she was going to deny them access, as she had already done earlier with Hermione. She told her that Draco needs rest, but her eyes landed on no other than Harry Potter himself before she had moved away from the door. It was the only time that Hermione was thankful for her best friend's fame.

The healer told them to be patient and careful because Draco was still in a fragile state before she had left to check on her other patients.

Harry's hand gave hers a little squeeze before he had let it go, mumbling something about how he was going to check back in with Ron before he was gone leaving her to go into the room alone.

The door closed with a soft click, her hand still clutching onto the handle.

She took a deep breath to steady herself before she turned around in the darkly light room.

Hermiones heart skipped a beat when she looked at Draco lying still. She had thought at the time that he may be dying in that hospital bed.

His eyes were closed as his chest rose and fell from a deep sleep. He had a bandage wrapped tightly around his head with only little pieces of his hair that stuck out at the ends.

He was more pale than his usual self, if that was even possible; he looked like a ghost. Only the slight pink in his cheeks gave any sign that he was still alive. His one eye was swollen, black and blue as it was bruised like the underside of his jaw. He had a busted lip and his knuckles were scrapped to hell and back.

She wondered for a fraction of a moment what he would have looked like if he was stuck in that dungeon any longer. The thought sent a shiver down her spine.

The candlelight on the side of the wall flickered as the flame danced around from her moving closer to him.

She grabbed the chair nearest to her before she had sat down at his side, her hand reaching out for his. His hand was warm in hers despite the chilly room and loss of blood.

Hermione's eyes welled up as she held on probably too tightly to his hand, looking over his bruised face.

All that she could think about was what other hidden wounds he had under those blankets, and how if he hadn't gone on that dangerous mission she had warned him about then maybe his team wouldn't have been captured and they wouldn't be in this mess in the first place.

Maybe they would be back at their latest safe house, healing each other's smaller wounds with healing charms and Hermione poking fun at his bad talent for it as he grumbles how if she would be more careful he wouldn't need to use them in the first place. Maybe he would be with her and okay, not fighting for his life in an unfamiliar bed.

Hot tears came down her face as her frown deepened.

Her heartbeat picked up when she felt him stir next to her, her eyes darted over him to see if anything was wrong.

"It's alright, you're alright; I'm here, Draco" she had whispered, pulling his hand closer to her heart as she leaned forward towards the bed.

She wasn't sure if he actually relaxed at her words or if whatever made him stir had dissipated. She assumed the latter as she wasn't sure if he could even hear her because his eyes were still closed and his breathing was steady.

She had let her other free hand come up to lightly brush away the pieces of his hair that fell into his face. Her hand lingered as she pondered that evening's events.

They have had their share of close calls, but not like this. None had ever stricken her like that before. It made her realize that whatever her and Draco were, was more than either of them lead on. She wasn't prepared to feel what she felt for him, but she had felt it anyways.

She supposed she knew it all along, but she had never admitted that to herself, never accepted it; not until that moment.

"Please, be okay, Draco. I can't…" she had started, trying to get through the knot that formed in the back of her throat, "I just need you to be okay."

She wiped away a tear with the back of her hand as she continued on, "I need you to be okay because otherwise who else is going to point out my unhealthy obsession with tea- or who else is going to pick on my bad habit of nail biting when I get nervous?"

She took a deep breath.

"I need you to be okay for no one else besides you has the balls to make bad jokes about Harry Potter to his face," she smiled sadly in thought at the fact that while once those jokes irritated her, they made the bottom of her stomach twist at the thought he might've not made them ever again.

"I need you because you're the only one who is truly honest with me on how bad my hair can be in the morning," she laughed through her tears.

Her heart clenched as the next words fell from her lips, "I need you to be okay because you've already sacrificed too much already for this bloody war." And he really had as he turned against his friends and family for their side.

She wanted to continue to tell him all the things she needed him for, as for there were plenty of thoughts flooding her head, but Hermione paused; not sure if she could go on.

She was afraid. Afraid that she'd never get another chance to tell him why she really needed him, so she told him through her tear soaked face.

"I need you to be okay because I love you."

\---

She feels stupid now looking back on it. Embarrassed. Vulnerable. Most of all; alone.

It always pained her when trying to figure out how he felt about her. Constantly going over conversations and the nights they shared over and over again in her head.

She had always felt like she was walking on a tightrope around him. She didn't want to distance herself from him, but was also afraid of revealing too much of herself to him at the same time. But she had done it anyway. She had jumped right off of the thin line and he wasn't there to catch her in the end.

She had thought that maybe he had felt the same way. He may never have said the words out loud, but maybe he had been walking the same tightrope she had; not knowing what went too far, and what didn't go far enough. Tonight proved her wrong.

She should have seen it coming, now that she thinks about it. Ever since the night she had confessed her darkest secret, he started acting differently with her.

He was short with her whenever she came to visit him in the hospital after her confession, never able to quite look her in the eye. She pretended not to notice that he frowned more than usual. Surprised by the fact that he didn't make any snide comments when she brought up Harry or Ron. And dismissed the feeling in her heart when he had removed his hand from hers one night.

She had pitted it against all the potions they gave him; refusing to believe it was anything else that was making him act that way. But deep down she knew better.

She lets her head fall back against the tree, her head still reeling. The snow is falling heavier now, landing softly on her. Exhaustion hits her heavily as her emotions settle into a bleak numbness. She almost doesn't mind the numbness as her earlier problems begin to fade away in the cold night.

Hermione closes her eyes, deciding to let herself give into the exhaustion if only for a moment. Wanting to let tonight's events seep out of her and into the surrounding winds as she rests against the bark.

Her eyes snap open at the sound of a twig breaking.

Her breathing picks up as she frantically scans the woods, but she tries to stay calm as it might just be an animal. While she doesn't see anyone she still reaches towards her back pocket for her wand just in case.

Panic shoots up her spine as she realizes she must have left her wand back at the safe-house as for it is not in it's usual spot.

She inhales sharply, the crisp air hitting the back of her throat, making her want to cry out at the pain. Her hand fly up and over her mouth as she struggles to keep from coughing. How long has she been out here?

She looks down to see her hands are starting to lose their color and she can scarcely feel the weight of her body.

"I believe the house is this way," a voice she doesn't recognize says.

Her breath catches in her throat as her body goes taunt, her eyes wide in alarm. She has no idea who said that, but whomever they are, they aren't too far from her location.

She silently prays that it's just one of the newer recruits that she hasn't met yet that is coming back from a mission, but she isn't reassured by the idea.

Hermione slowly pushes herself up, trying to be as quiet as possible. She ignores the fact that her legs are almost completely numb as she leans back up against the tree, hoping they'll pass by in another direction. Her heart pounds so loudly in her ears she's almost certain they'll hear it.

She internally curses at herself at how stupid she is for letting herself forget about the war and focus on just herself for once.

"I'll go the other way to cover more ground."

Hermiones heart nearly stops at the other voice. Although her hands are practically blue from the cold she can feel her palms sweat. She's not sure what she should do.

The safe house is off in a direction that only God knows from where she is now. She's also not sure how fast she can run in her state if need be. Her legs are void of feeling besides a slight tingle and her breathing coming out too quickly as it makes her lungs burn.

Then it hits her. They're heading towards the safe house. Towards Draco, towards her friends.

It's not until she sees a dark cloak and mask emerge from the other end of the woods that she truly feels fear hit her as the realization settles into her very core.

Her entire body shakes as she takes off in the opposite direction of the figure before she can contemplate what to do; her legs moving as fast as she can to warn the others. She can hear the mysterious man shout at his friend when he spots her running.

Her legs burn as they work overtime, trying to fight not only the heavy snow, but the numbness that creeps up within them. It makes her stumble more easily as she trenches onward, hearing the man in the dark cloak not too far behind.

Her mind races as she tries to remember where the safe house is, not being able to follow the tracks she had made on her way in as the snow had fallen, covering them up long ago.

A spell is being yelled out; but she can't hear it well enough to know what it is.

"Shit," she hisses as a bright ball of purple light zips pass her head, making her trip over her own feet.

She tumbles straight into the side of a large tree, smacking upside it hard enough to force the air out of her chest. It's only a second later that she pushes herself quickly off the tree she hit into, ignoring the pain coming from her scrapped palms as she continues running.

She can hear the voice behind her yell something again before the next ball of light makes the tree crack and splinter as the spell hits the spot she had just recently been.

She almost thanks God that the spell had missed her, but is too busy trying to watch her steps to think of anything else besides sidestepping fallen trees and thick rocks that scatter the ground.

Hermione's arms are pumping fast at her sides, her breathing coming in fast as her heart pangs. Her lungs are screaming at her as she moves faster than she thought capable in her state. It's the only thing she can really feel at this point; her body is too cold to feel much of anything else except a small tingle as it is being overworked.

She barely dodges another spell when she notices someone else in front of her, and then she's skidding to a stop. Her arms fly out to balance herself as she sees the other cloaked figure blocking her path. His eyes gleam behind the mask that covers the rest of his face.

She doesn't have time to think of how to get out of the situation before this time the stream of light hits her in the back.

She screams out as her legs buckle under her, making her fall to her knees. Her hands come out in front of her as they smack against the snowy dirt, hard as she tries to keep herself from hitting her face on the ground.

She can feel the blood seep through the back of her shirt, stinging both hot from the fresh cut on her backside and from the cold winter air that touches it. It almost feels good to have the warm liquid spread across her back, if only it didn't sting so badly.

Laughter fills the air as hot tears pool around her eyes. It's not long before both of them are next to her, circling her as though she's the frightened prey and they're the hungry predators.

They watch her as she struggles helplessly on the ground. She is too emotionally drained from earlier, and can barely feel herself as the cold threatens to completely take her.

"Get her up," the one commands, and the other follows.

A rough hand is grabbing her by the back of her hair, hoisting her upright. Pain soars up to her head at the fast action. She grits her teeth as she feels herself build with fear.

She tries to struggle out of the one's grasp, but it's useless as he grabs both her wrists and shoves them against her lower back. She lets out a low hiss in pain.

Her body tingles; from the fright or the overuse of her body she doesn't know.

She tries to steady her panic breaths; not wanting to show her fear.

Hermione watches as the other man strides up to her, tisking at her like she is a small child who needs to be punished. She tries to keep the panic out of her eyes, but finds it hard when he pushes his wand under her chin; watching her try to jerk her head away.

"Not very bright for the brightest witch our age," he taunts. "Not even having your wand on you."

Her stomach tightens into a knot. She doesn't recognize the voice, but she knows that he knows her which makes her that much more uncomfortable, and angry.

A deep red creeps up her neck, some heat coming back into her cold frame and her lips quiver as she relishes in the truth behind his comment. She silently curses herself again for leaving her wand behind.

She glares daggers at the man, trying to fight against the other at her back who only tightens his grip; it makes her wince. But she refuses to let them see the fear she feels inside of her. Her heart may be thundering away and her mind may be screaming at her, but she is too prideful to let them know.

"Nothing to say?" the man at her throat sighs, the air coming out white around his mouth.

She wouldn't give them the satisfaction.

"Pity," he adds before another curse slips from his tongue and purple light streams out at the end of his wand.

Her eyes flash with fear for a brief second before another scream slips past her lips, scraping at the back of her throat as she lets it out. The flame strikes her bottom legs; slicing both of them open. Then all of the sudden she's falling down onto the ground again as the man who was holding her drops her in fear of the curse hitting him.

She watches the snow under her with her tear soaked face. It melts under her legs, turning a deep shade of red.

The man who let her go curses at the other one for almost hitting him. "Watch where you point that thing!"

Her body is sore, and is not a fan of her trying to move her legs. The cold makes her bones feel like they'll break under too much pressure and the cuts on her back and legs sting to hell and back as they ooze.

"You're fine, don't be such a wuss about it," the other waves his hand, his eyes going back to the witch who is trying to crawl away while they are distracted.

"Ah, ah, ah. Where do you think you're going, mudblood?" he sneers.

Her blood runs cold and she grits her teeth at the name, fuming. Before she gets the chance to reply the purple flame comes lashing out again, striking the back of her left arm making her yell out as her right hand comes up to hold onto the newly open wound.

The sensation burns her arm as it stings worse than her legs did, as for they were mostly numb from the cold. She tries her best to not notice the feeling as she still continues to crawl, now with one hand, towards the tree roots.

They just watch her with taunting eyes behind their masks as she slides sideways up the nearest tree for support, smearing her blood from her arm on it as she rises. She fights against the exhaustion in her bones as her legs wobble against the presser of her standing.

She will not back down, no matter how awful she feels.

Her voice is barely recognizable as she rasps out, "You're lucky I don't have my wand, or else-"

He cuts her off, stalking towards her. "Or else what? You're still outnumbered and clearly not as smart as everyone else says you are."

Her muscles shout in pain as her body at the tree goes taunt at his words. Her eyes narrow as the man comes face to face with her.

"Give me a wand and see for yourself," she grinds out. A flicker of satisfaction sparks in her chest at the snicker she receives from the two of them.

The leader of the two men practically growls at her before striking her with the back of his hand. It makes her head whip back towards the tree, her head hitting against the rough bark. Her cheek turns bright red as she can taste the copper in her mouth.

"I have a better idea," the leader spits out, growing impatient with her as he grabs her by the back of her head. His face so close to hers that she can feel his foul breath coming out of his mask as it wages across her neck.

Her body freezes as she feels his meaty hand make it's way up her side roughly.

Panic hits her again as she realizes what he wants. She doesn't think about what she is doing before she spits the blood in her mouth at him, some of it spraying into the eye-hole of his mask.

"You, fucking bitch!" he curses, throwing her onto the ground. He points his wand at her before the unforgivable curse slips past his lips.

"Crucio!"

Hermione tries her best to roll away from the curse, but her reaction is too slow as it hits her in the shoulder.

Pain flares up her entire body, all her muscles contracting and screaming inside of her. She lets out a blood curdling roar as she falls back down to the ground. She slams her head against the root of the tree, causing it to pound as her body begins thrashing around on the snow. Her mind and soul feel as though it's been set on fire and she can think of nothing else. The pain eats away at her, completely consuming her. Unaware of the comments that are being sneered at her.

She has never felt anything as excruciating as this in her entire life. It makes all her other scars from battles throughout the war pale in comparison. Her body jolting from the strain it puts on her muscles. It is all consuming as it makes her throat go raw from the amount of wailing.

She doesn't notice the blood that seeps out around her as she rolls around on the ground, opening the wound on her back even more as she tosses about.

Her chest burns as she inhales short breaths between the spasms. Her skin prickles as if someone had stabbed her with a thousand needles.

This is how I am going to die, she thinks. But she almost welcomes the idea as anything would be better than the pain she was feeling at this exact moment.

She is not sure how long they keep the curse on her. It may have been minutes or hours. All she can focus on is the pain and how she longs for it to be gone.

It's not until one of them is sitting on top of her that she realizes the crucio curse is gone, but is replaced by the heavy weight of the man in black on top of her; his cloak scattered beside him along with his mask.

Fear roars up throughout her as his now unmasked face comes closer to her. She doesn't recognize the man, even though she thought she would have as he knows her. His eyes are dark and cruel as his face twists into a sinister look.

Her body aches in a way she cannot describe and by this point she can barely fight back, but she still tries to with every fiber in her being.

Her eyes wide, her mouth agape as she tries to use her hands to push him off. Her mind frantic as she feels his hand grab her wrists, pinning them above her head as the other one is on her neck, slowly dragging downward.

"I've always wondered what it would be like to fuck a mudblood," he sneers, grabbing her roughly by the chin. His breath is hot against her skin as he bends his head towards her to whisper frightening things in her ears.

She notices the other one standing by, watching intently as they enjoy her suffering. She can't stomach the thought of what the man on top of her has in mind.

She squeezes her eyes shut, forcing her mind to think of something else. Anything else.

Her mind likes to play tricks on her as Draco is who comes to mind to remind her how she ended up here.

But her attention is brought back to the man above her when she hears the top buttons of her shirt rip open. She doesn't feel the frigid air on her newly exposed flesh despite it causing her skin to erupt in goosebumps. Fresh tears fall out as she tries to get out from under him.

Only then does she notice that squirming under him is not a good idea as she can feel his enjoyment.

His reaction jolts something in her, causing her to bring her knee up to his backside. He grunts as he tumbles forward a bit, loosening his grip for a second, giving her enough time to free her hand.

Her nails meet his exposed neck. She can feel the warmth of his blood trickle down her hand as she digs into him deep. She hears him fume as he grabs her head, roughly throwing it up before slamming it onto the ground.

The world is dark for a few seconds before she is hit with the crucio curse again.

She notices nothing else but the pain. It's like it's all new again, as if she hadn't been hit with the spell before as it makes her body spasm in an uncontrollable way. She almost completely blacks out; wanting the blackness to wash over her. She wants to completely let go and let the pain fade away, but is afraid of what will happen if she does.

The fear that is inside her head is pale in comparison to the excruciating burn that covers her. She cries out trying to hold onto the world as she fights against the darkness that wants to take her.

However hard she tries she's too weak to try and fight it for much longer.

That's when she notices the silver hair that comes into view.

Everything happens so quickly, she's not even quite sure she sees what happens as black spots invade her vision as she tries to force her eyes to stay open.

Her own screams are so loud they drown out whatever words that come from his lips, and she can scarcely see the green light that shoots out of his wand as she thrashes around on the ground; blindsided by the fire that floods throughout her veins.

Then the fire, suddenly, subsides and she can hardly feel the air entering her lungs as a sharp gasp comes from her mouth when the curse ends again.

Her head and body ache like nothing she's ever felt before, howling from within her core. Whether it's from the previous curse, the slices in her skin, or from the cold winter winds; she'll never know.

"Hermione- Fuck, stay with me, Hermione-please!" a familiar voice barks, before kneeling down next to her.

His arms are around her and picking her up before her mind can even register it happening. She can't feel anything as her body goes limp in his arms.

Everything around her blurs, even the words that tumble from Draco lips make no sense. Then all of the sudden it all fades to black.

\---

The first time Hermione gains consciousness her head pounds and blood seems to rush in her ears making the words that someone is shouting around her seem muffled; she can't make out what the people near her are trying to say as they place her down onto the rough mattress. She doesn't seem to care about all the yelling around her as she sinks back into a deep sleep.

\---

Her eyes flutter open slightly when the light crosses her face from a door being opened at the end of the room.

She notices the familiar red hair on top of the boy's head, but it's the silver haired boy at her bed that jumps up suddenly that draws her attention; if only for a moment.

Her eyes close again and she's drifting away into the darkness before she can hear the heated words exchanged between the two men.

\---

Soft lips grace her forehead before they whisper desperately to her.

"Come back to me."

\---

The first time she gains true consciousness is when she can hear shouting outside her door. Relief floods throughout her veins as she instantly recognizes the voices; even if they're fighting.

"If anything happens to her, I swear I'll kill you myself!" Ron is shouting.

Hermione can hear shuffling outside like someone is trying to restrain him when she hears Harry pipe in. "Ron, now's not the time."

"It bloody well is! How do we know he wasn't the one who did this to her-"

There's a loud bang that shakes the walls as Draco makes a comment too low for her to hear properly.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Harry shouts.

Then there's silence for a few moments before she can hear Harry again. "You two have got to stop this. Hermione wouldn't want either of you to be wasting your time fighting one another when there's still a war going on outside. And we already know what happened, Ron. So please, I'm begging you to let it go."

Hermione can only imagine the looks that Ron and Harry are exchanging right now.

"You better be right about this, Harry." Ron grits out bitterly before she can hear his footsteps echo as he stomps away.

There is silence again, and Hermione wishes she could call out, but she's too tired to try. She barely has enough energy to hang onto the last words exchanged between the two men before she gives into the exhaustion.

"I don't know what you said to her, and I don't care right now. I just hope she's going to be okay, but dammit Ron's right; if anything happens to her-"

Draco's reply is low, making it almost impossible for Hermione to hear. "You can save the threats for someone else, Potter. There isn't anything you can say that I haven't already thought to myself."

\---

With a sharp intake of breath, Hermione's blinks back tears as the bright lights in the unfamiliar room make her eyes sting when she wakes up fully this time.

She has no idea how long she had been asleep, but she can tell it has been a couple of days at the very least. She's thankful that she can no longer feel the cuts on her skin, as someone had used healing charms on them. The faint scaring still on her skin as the cuts were deep; not quite healing properly.

Her body dully aches as it reminds her of the other night. But the feeling of pressure coming off of her chest overrules any pain she still feels. She takes a long, deep breath letting it wash over her.

She doesn't notice the hand holding hers until she tries to sit up in the stiff bed; her muscles sore as she pushes herself up against the headboard.

She looks over to the person sitting in a chair next to her; holding tightly onto her hand so hard it almost hurts. She is met with grey eyes.

Angry grey eyes.

The feeling of relief and anger collide into her all at once. She's not sure if she wants to kiss him, or if she wants to pull her hand away and use it to slap him.

And judging by the look on his face, he feels the same way.

"What are you-"

"Don't you ever-"

Both of them stop, but it is Draco who starts again as Hermione's throat is still hoarse from the event in the woods. She pulls her hand away from his to grab the water that is left on the bedside table, her eyes questioning as she drinks it eagerly.

"Don't you ever do that to me again," he says, his voice low as his eyes never waver from hers.

Her eyebrows knit together in confusion, while her heart flutters and the knot in her stomach is back.

The feeling only lasts a few seconds before she is reminded of the fact of what brought her to the situation in the first place and she's angry, and embarrassed all over again. She feels as though she wants to shrink away from his gaze and melt away into the bed.

She tears her eyes from his, as she fiddles with the now empty cup in her hand. Her throat choking up as she looks towards the fireplace on the other side of the room.

"I'm sorry if my near death experience interrupted your evening plans," she replies angrily, trying her best to sound snarky, but it comes off more tired as she is reeling from the other night.

She's not sure how she feels right now. Her body still hurts all over; and her mind is numb as she tries to wrap her head around the current situation she has found herself in.

"Don't," he warns, his jaw clenching.

"Don't what?" She challenges, still refusing to look at him. She slams the empty cup on the side table; her eyes fixated on the flames dancing upwards towards the chimney.

She doesn't want to talk about the other day, especially not with him. He's already made her feel vulnerable enough and she isn't sure she can think about what happened without having a mental breakdown.

"Don't," he says again, his fingers curling into a fist on the edge of her bed. "Don't act like you're death is just a fucking joke to me."

"Well it certainly feels like it."

His voice is dangerously low. "Stop. You know for a damn fact that's not true."

She isn't sure if she wants to laugh or cry.

"You made it perfectly clear the other night that you couldn't possibly care for a filthy mudblood," she repeats his words from the other night. Her stomach twists at the thought as her eyes begin to burn.

Her face flushes and her heart pounds fast; this time she has nowhere to hide from him. She tries her best to shield herself from him by wrapping her arms around herself, her hands gripping on too tightly.

She isn't sure what to expect, but his response is not it.

"You shouldn't have let your feelings get you in trouble like that," he snaps, the chair sharp against the hardwood floor as he pushes away from her bedside. "You should never leave without your bloody wand!"

Her head snaps towards him, her mouth agape at his words and nose flaring as she glares at him. Her entire body vibrates with rage.

"You don't think I don't know that?!" She screams at him; finally letting it out. "You don't think I've learned my lesson? You don't think I wasn't punishing myself the entire time over being so stupid! I almost died, Malfoy!" she belts out, paying no regard to the pain in her throat or the tears that are coming full force down her face.

Her chest heaves heavily as she struggles to get the words out through her tears.

"I was being foolish! And I was all alone! I ran off by myself because just for once I need to be alone. I knew it was dangerous but at the time I didn't care! I didn't know that they were there- And all I could think about is how- How I wanted them to end it all before they could- before they could-."

Hermione sobs, the words catch in her throat, unable to go on.

Arms are around her before she can even comprehend what is happening, and she clutches onto him. Burying her face into his neck, gripping onto his back tightly as the sobs rake throughout her body.

Her whole body is shaking as he whispers words she can't hear into her hair as he tries to get her to calm down. His hands are tucked into her back as he squeezes her so hard against him she's afraid he's going to snap her in half.

"Hermione-" he wretches; seeming unsure of what to say.

She doesn't know what she feels at this point; too many emotions bursting out all at once. So, she closes her eyes and just lets him hold her.

It feels good to be back in his arms; she's certain she will regret this later, but right now she focuses on the hand on her back and the one in her hair as they shield her from the rest of the world.

"Hermione, please; look at me."

They sit there in silence for a moment, the only noise is her ragged breathing as she wills herself to calm down, but she pulls back, wiping her wet face with her sleeve before she looks at Draco fully this time.

His shoulders are slumped, pieces of his silver hair falling into his eyes as he watches her. She wonders how much sleep he's gotten when she notices the bags under his eyes.

It's not until he grabs her hand to pull it into his lap that she realizes she hadn't said anything, but she isn't sure what to say, so she waits for him to continue.

She sees the regret in his eyes as they shift downwards to their hands clasped together in his lap; her heart pinching as he squeezes them.

"I didn't mean what I said to you the other night."

Her heart skips a beat, but he says the words so quietly she's not sure if he exactly said them or if she was imagining it.

"I only said those things to you because… I needed to distance myself from you, because you deserve someone better."

Hermione's mind goes blank before it starts spinning. She tries to piece together what the bloody hell that meant. She doesn't understand why he would push her away over something so ridiculous.

She opens her eyes to look at him. "You actually believe that I could care-"

"You almost died, Hermione!" he interrupts, his eyes snapping up towards hers. His tone strikes her with such intensity it makes her lean back.

Draco looks almost frantic as he confesses his thoughts to her. His hands squeezing hers tightly; like he is trying to get her to pay more attention to what he is saying.

"You could have died because of me; because I was too much of a git to tell you the truth about how I feel about you-" Hermione's eyes widened as Draco sucks in a breath, uncertain of what he wants to reveal. "After you told me how you felt… It freaked me out, I didn't know what to do with that. If that doesn't tell you why you can do better than I don't know what to say."

Her chest fills with hope as her mind only focuses on one thing. "How you feel about me?"

His eyebrows scrunch together, his jaw clenching as he tries to retaliate. "That's besides the point, I'm trying to get you to understand-"

"Besides the point? That's the reason we're in this mess!" she practically yells; cutting him off.

"Exactly!" he shouts, jumping up from the bed to look down at her. "You almost died because I was too much of a coward to admit that I'm in love with you!"

She's not sure if it is her sharp intake of breath or his that she hears before the room falls silent. Hermione's breath catches in her throat, while Draco's eyes widen. Neither one of them prepared. Neither one ready to hear him say the words out loud.

Her head is pounding again from his confession; her heart beating too fast against her rib cage as her chest swells up.

Draco Malfoy is in love with her.

He is in love with her and she spent most of that night thinking he was disgusted by her. This entire time he was pushing her away because he thinks she deserves better.

The feeling to laugh and cry at the same time is strong as she finally understands him. Well, she understands him to a certain degree. She is still immensely upset with the git for not being honest with her in the first place.

"It's not your choice to decide who I deserve and who I don't, Draco. You can't just push me away because of that." she says softly, watching him pace the room.

"It's not about who you deserve…" he trails off, his hand pulling at his silver hair.

Her eyebrows raise up at that. She knows he has always struggled with trying to right his wrongs within this war; but for him to think he hasn't proven himself worthy of her was ridiculous.

"You think you don't deserve me?" she astonishes, huffing out a small laugh at the absurdity.

He stops moving; his eyes returning to hers as he looks confused as to why she was laughing at a time like this.

"I fail to see how you find this amusing," he admits, his head shaking at her.

Hermione gives him a look. "It is a little funny; cruelly ironic really."

"You're bloody ridiculous," he sighs, running his hand through his hair in frustration.

"I'm ridiculous? You're the one who caused this because you couldn't admit you love me," Hermione quips.

It was weird how easily it slips out of her mouth now that she knows the truth.

"It's not like you did much better! You waited until I was unconscious to tell me; I at least waited until you were awake!" Draco pipes back, his eyebrows shooting upwards in a challenging look.

"After I almost died!" Hermione points out, her arms crossing accusingly. "And clearly you weren't actually asleep considering you heard me."

Now it's Draco who huffs out a laugh.

The room falls silent for a moment before Draco moves over to sit back down near her legs on the bed. The both of them sitting there together silently as they ponder over how fucked up their relationship has gotten.

Truth be told, neither one of them ever expected to fall in love. Their relationship was strictly physical at first, until over the past months it became much more. Their time spent together gone from Hermione sneaking out of his room late in the middle of the night, to her waking up to warm kisses and meaningful conversations.

"You know… If I remember correctly you only said it when you thought I was going to die too," he reminds her.

"Love."

"What?"

"It's love, not 'it' you can say it out loud. I promise it won't hurt you," Hermione reassures him, to which he snickers at but there's no heat behind it.

"You're going to make me say it again, aren't you?" he sighs, rubbing a hand over his face before he lets it drop to his lap.

Now that she knows the truth, she is going to make him say it as much as she possibly can.

"I think you owe me that much."

He turns his head towards her, his expression turning more serious. "I owe you a lot more."

Hermione's face softens as a slight frown graces her lips. His tone makes her want to reach out to him; so she does.

She leans forward to grab his hand, giving it a light tug before he understands what she wants.

He hesitates for a moment before giving in and they both shift to make room for him in the small bed. It's a tight fit as he lifts the sheets to crawl in next to her. Hermione can feel the heat of him seep into her as she rests her head on his shoulder. His heart beating steadily under her palm.

Draco lies next to her on his side, his head propped up by one hand; the other coming up to push her hair behind her ear. Hermione relaxes under his touch.

She takes a moment to let the past few nights sink in. While they are both still reeling from their confessions; neither one of them are running away this time. This time when she decided to jump off the tightrope, he was right there with her, his hand in hers as they dove off together.

He brings her attention back to him as his fingers trace down her jawline before settling under her chin.

His grey eyes are softer than she's ever seen before as he lifts her head up towards him. He ghosts his lips over hers, as if he were waiting for her permission; which she gladly gives by kissing him back with a little more force.

Their kiss is slow and patient, both of them taking their time to breathe one another in as if they had all the time in the world.

They have been through a lot together during this war, but with his firm touch and sharp mouth she wouldn't change a damn thing.

He pulls her out of her thoughts and closer to him as he whispers the three words against her mouth.

"I love you, Hermione."

Her chest fills with warmth as a smile threatens to spread across her face.

"I love you too, Draco."

**Author's Note:**

> If you made it to the end of this, thanks for sticking around! Hope you enjoyed the story. Reviews/Kudos are appreciated!


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